Alanis Morissette and the Society of Corporate Secretaries

I called the Society of Corporate Secretaries last week only to reach one of those automated voice systems. Even they've moved on. I can imagine the angst as they brought in the automated system. Probably a lot of nail biting and bickering. There were probably two factions those who thought it was tremendous, a step forward, the future and those who saw it as taking a slice of their own pie.

It is the kind of thing that makes you long for a Coke in the old fashioned glass bottle, but even if you had one, it's not quite the same as you're hoping, because you know it is really just a novelty, that fact is we don't drink coke out of bottles much less anything smaller than 48 ounces in a sitting.

Last night I dreamt I found a secret room only accessible from the roof of my house. The inside was like the TV section of a BestBuy, walls were lined with televisions except unlike BestBuy they were all small, 13" screens or smaller. A quilt of small old fashion screens with the old style dial knobs the ones that when you said, "turn the channel" actually required turning.

Why had I never come up here before? Probably because I don't spend that much time on the roof. I imagined myself ten years from now having a garage sale featuring all these televisions. A child holding her grandmother's hand asks, "why are there so many televisions?" And the grandma says, "some people just collect a bunch of junk, dear," as she pulls the child away towards the used ironing board, an ironing board we've actually just bought but by the time this happens is wobbly and slightly rusted.

After typing in the last four digits of my party's last name followed by # I'm placed on hold, it isn't all bad, there is music. It is Alanis Morissette and she's singing "It's a black fly in your Chardonnay It's a death row pardon two minutes too late. Isn't it ironic ... don't you think?" The voicemail for David Hobson at the Society of Corporate Secretaries directs me to leave a message but all I can think is, that it isn't that ironic, the truth is, it's just unfortunate.