Fighting for Freedom

This past weekend while at Publix doing my weekly grocery shopping I had an egg incident with a Publix employee. Typically I bring 6 hard-boiled eggs to work each day and eat the whites during an afternoon ritual called egg-time (typically around 4:00 pm eastern).. There is also nice song I sing to the office once egg-time commences.

Typically I purchase the largest case of eggs they sell, a 2 and 1/2 dozen crate of large white eggs. While most of the eggs in the egg section are Publix brand eggs these come from some farm, with its picture on the label but I've never really paid attention to what the name is, after all eggs are eggs. As you can imagine a case of 30 eggs always contains one or two broken or cracked shells. So I pull open the crate and trade out some unbroken eggs for the cracked ones in my crate.

This weekend during this ritual I was scolded by a Publix stockboy and ordered to cease and desist my egg trading. He informed me that I was not allowed to take Publix brand large eggs and swap them with this other brand of large eggs. Confused, I said, "but they're just eggs, Publix eggs are no better or worse." My egg-alitarianism clearly not resonating he gave me the look police officers use whenever someone says, "I didn't know I was speeding officer."

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, he obviosly didn't know what an important egg consumer I am so I kindly clued him on who I was and that I eat many little baby chicken embyos and it is absolutly critical every egg I purchase be in tip top condition. I could I see I wasn't getting anywhere with this argument so I did what anyone else would do. I challenged the angry stockboy to an egg eating contest. Winner take all, if I won I could continue my egg swap and if he won I'd go the straight and narrow and pledge to never mix and match again. Afraid of my egg eating skills the stockboy backed down claiming he could not make such a deal. So I continued my egg swapping and banished the angry stockboy to the cold isolation of the milk cooler.

Never let anyone say I didn't stand up for anything, let it be known that I stand for egg equality and freedom for all.