FOR SALE: CHARMING SPACIOUS BLOG, LARGE OPEN PLAN, CLOSE TO EVERYTHING

This installment of what not to do in advertising stems from a conversation Kyle and I had about a month ago. The time has long come for this blogitorial. This installment refers not to a particular add but a type of ad. A real estate ad and because things are bad for Realtors right now I thought why not give them a little boost. Before we even get into how bad your ads are I have to first say how bad you are at creating brands. First off typically your brand of real estate brokerage is simply "Tommy Finger's Realty." Some of you decide to get real creative with your branding and call your shop things like: "Advanced Realty, Superior Realty, Sold Realty, Neighborhood Realty, Custom Realty, Community Realty. These names suck. They are not a brand. The names mean nothing to you which is also what they mean to me and everyone else who comes across them.

DISCLAIMER: The following lessons are not intended to hurt anyone's feelings they are merely for the benefit of Realtors and mankind.

Lesson #1 DO NOT PUT YOUR UGLY ASS IN YOUR ADS!

You are ugly, very ugly. Above are two typical Realtors. They are no uglier than every other realtor that I see in Homes and Land or the weekly paper. I wouldn't trust the guy on the left to bag my groceries. I'm not saying you have to be beautiful to be in an ad but even plus size models make fun of you. Do not put your pictures in your ads or in your collateral material. It isn't helping. I mean the fact is most people are not very good looking, Realtors especially and if they are good looking they usually look like schmucks or swindlers. Steer clear of putting yourself in your ads no matter how ugly or attractive you are, it isn't going to pay off. IT IS A BAD IDEA. I don't want to see you, the world does not want to see you. Stop doing it.

Lesson #2 IF YOU MUST PUT YOUR IMAGE IN YOUR ADS DO NOT PRETEND TO BE ON THE PHONE

It makes me mad that I even have to explain this. Nobody believes you are really on the phone. This doesn't make you look busy, professional or smart. You look like an idiot.

Another area I'd like to complain that you Realtors are responsible for is your listings. Just know that the public does not find your ads cute, clever, funny, ironic, smart, or witty. They are annoying. Very annoying. So to help here is a list of words and phrases that are from now on off limits:

Charming, Adorable, Cream Puff, Cozy, Pride of Ownership, Dream Home, Close to everything, Kiddie Condo, Gleaming, Soaring, Must See, Sprawling, Lush Landscaping, Lovingly Maintained, Elegant Features, Investor Special, Quaint.