Run for the hills! The sparrows are coming!

Somethings are too scary to imagine. Well, you can imagine them but once you do you no longer want to. Like jellyfish with teeth or a vicious but also really smart sparrow that goes after your scalp whenever you're outside. It would be horrible you'd be walking around with one hand on your head always looking up trying to see if one is coming.

Whenever you'd park to go somewhere everyone would run from the car, your whole family, everyone with one hand on their head, one eye on the sky, you'd say, "hurry, hurry get inside before the sparrows come for you." Everyone would pile into wherever, let their hand fall to their side and just stop, take a breath and think to themselves, "thank god we made it this time."

You might even look outside and see others who didn't quite make it. Poor souls with pieces of flesh ripped out, their heads bleeding from the talons of the predator. You'd watch through the safety of the glass as they scream in pain, a little blood dripping down the side of their forehead, maybe even a flap of scalp flailing in the wind.

Of course we'd get smart and start wearing hardhats. You'd see sparrows dive bomb a head and bounce right off. You might even check the label to make sure it is of sparrow proof certfied. We might even build head decoys with built in poison.

Still there would be people at risk, those who disregard the danger. There would those fashion conscious teenagers that believe while some people are in danger of sparrow attack, their little teenage heads, their hairsprayed hair, like video tape isn't really at risk. They are invincible to car accidents, drug overdoses and sparrows.

The other group would be the same people who enjoy riding motorcycles without a helmet. "Ha, like a dumb little bird is gonna stop me." This group is both too cool and too excited by risk to be bothered by sparrow protective head gear.

Groups would spring up Mothers Against Sparrows, Americans for a Sparrowless Society ( I don't need to tell you the acronym they'd use). Of course you'd have the opposing groups that want to protect the sparrows.

Either way we'd probably figure out a way to deal with it. We'd get past it and move on. At some point we wouldn't even think of it as a problem, just a part of life. We'd forget that sparrows even exit, that they pose a threat. We'd go through our day, drink coffee, eat lunch, buy things we don't need on QVC. It would work out.

Don't dwell on this too long you might have nightmares.