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I don't really consider myself a political person but I'd like a chance to discuss this man. If you don't know already, you've probably been living in a cave some where, his name is Al-Sadr. He is a cleric in Iraq who leads a militia called the Mahdi Army. First thing I'd like to do is make an offer to this man. If you read this Mr. Al-Sadr if I could get your address I'd send you my Mach 3 so you could take care of that curiously pubic looking beard. Honestly your face looks like a 70's porn star's money maker. Second I'd like to offer you a massage, because although I'm not any kind of expert on this, your face looks just a little bit tense.
The truth is I think that Al-Sadr is a great tribute to the success America has had in Iraq. We've obviously helped shape a country that chooses its leaders not on superficial qualities such as appearance. I think this is really being overlooked. We've really done something, created a country that doesn't mind ugly leaders. He's really done a great job of motivating people for his cause, whatever it is, there is no doubt he has been effective. What I'd like offer to help him with is become a little more light hearted. He just seems so scary. Looking at him makes me want to cry.
Two mistakes I think he has made since rising to power. Number one not signing a deal with Kit-Kat bars because I think he'd look great eating a Kit-Kat. I'd buy one. Second I think if he'd rebrand his Mahdi Army to be called the Cheez-It Army he'd gain even more support. For one thing everyone I've ever known loves Cheez-Its. Plus he could probably get a sponsorship from Kellogs and then they could get free stuff like Cheez-It stickers probably hats too.
Some other ideas to make Al-Sadr more fun:
1) Get a theme song like Charles in Charge. He was an authority figure and he had one and it worked for him. Something catchy like: "Al-Sadr, Al-Sadr the guy with the biggest eyes, he loves to point and he loves to say "why don't you American's just get away."
2) Let bunnies join your army (everyone loves bunnies).
3) Skip once in a while
4) Change your name to Alf-Sadr (you already sort of look like him)
5) Host an episode of Saturday Night Live
6) Date Jessica Simpson
